Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Aren't We Better Than This?

As you know, this blog is for us to discuss the finer things. I am one who enjoys said things. I am not rich, but I sometimes pretend to be. And I have high hopes for my future. But there are some things out there that I encounter on a daily basis that are not fine AT ALL. They are in fact the opposite of fine. This can be described as unsophisticated, or shabby, or cheap. I am sure you have already figured out that I am talking about the worst most horrible product on the planet. Styrofoam.

Yesterday I was enjoying lunch at a favorite spot of mine. They have an upscale clientele and they seem to be busy enough to turn a hefty profit. They have drink cups made of paper, and that is to be expected. But if you are going to get water, which leaves them no profit, then you are going to get the dreaded styrofoam water cup, and you're going to like it. Well I DON'T like it, frankly. AT ALL. I almost want to pay to have a large cup, even though I am just getting water. Like this place doesn't make enough to buy a little bit more expensive of a cup that's a little better for the environment. I don't buy it. And I just can't live like this.

So after a healthy bitching, I figured it wasn't worth freaking out about. Well that all changed when I went to one of the most expensive and fabulous restaurants in town and had to take home some of my steak. This place makes plenty of money. They are so high brow they trick you into thinking there is no self-parking and force you to valet. They add 20% gratuity if they feel you look like a scumbag. They are Fancy. Pants. So what do you think they put my steak in? STYROFOAM. How obnoxious. For a place that is so ridiculously over the top that they are serving quinoa in an appetizer, you would think they had the revenue stream to give me a paper container, or hell, just wrap it in an aluminum swan. I just don't understand this and never will. Now I will forever associate this great restaurant with a Coney Island. And it was the best meal I have had in months. Too bad.

So what's with everyone having styrofoam? Is it SO much cheaper? PLEASE just stop. I beg of you. You might as well put a sign up that says "The Earth Can Suck It."

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

I Hate When I Know People are Cheaters

When I was between colleges and I used to get shit-faced every night and post up at Fishbones, a local restaurant with a happening high school reunion night scene, I may have been what some would consider a "cheater." In my defense, I never had the best relationships. I would date people whom I assumed would cheat on me, which I know is bullshit of me to say, but let's face it; I was drunk anyway. But as I travel further into the joy that is adulthood, I realize that far too many people I know cheat on their spouses and I don't like it. And now that I am in a real relationship, and I actually love and respect my future spouse, I am happy to stand on my pedestal and say "if you are cheating on your spouse, you are kind of a piece of shit."

I don't know why this is on my mind right now, but it is, and I honestly feel like it's always on my mind... My future spouse and I have a very real agreement: if you cheat, you're done. Simple. Makes sense. What I am really upset with here is not him cheating on me; it's people I know that are currently cheating. DON'T PUT THAT ON ME. When people cheat and let others in on their secret, not only does a black cloud hang over the cheaters, it looms over the people that know. I don't want to know you are a horrible person. That should be left for me to figure out on my own, based on judgement and assumptions with little to no evidentiary support. I don't want to know that you are immoral and have hurt someone. I don't want to know God has something special planned for you. I want to know nothing about it. But that's not how the world works. I know everything about everyone, and it's too much for me to handle! <wipes tear>

One very REAL example of this involves a local athlete. I don't even know the guy on a personal level. But I know he is good looking and rich and married and cheats. Now, athletes might be bad examples because they more than likely cheat, but when I know without any doubt that they are shitty husbands, I lose respect and can't even look at them the same way. I want to cheer for you, dipshit, and I want to have this picture hanging on my wall of you (and it's hanging there regardless...) but I see you and I hate you. UGH. You suck and now I feel bad for encouraging you to succeed.

Knowing an average person who cheats is of course, worse. So you are my work associate and I like you. And you seem to be happily married and have a wonderful life, and for a time I probably find myself jealous of you. But then I find out you are cheating on your spouse and I confirm it and someone spots you at the park making out and then someone sees you in a conference room doubled up on a chair, and now all I can think to do is send your husband a private facebook message to alert him of your infidelities and I hate you. STOP MAKING ME HATE YOU, CHEATER. The point here is that cheating isn't just hard on the cheater; it's hard on everyone who knows the cheating exists. I do not wish to know you are a cheater. I want to have a peaceful mind. I want to think about non-cheaters.

So a message to all you cheaters out there: GET DIVORCED. You pussies. 

Happy New Year!