Sunday, February 15, 2015

That's Not My Name

I am so sorry I have been absent. It was a LONG 2014. But here I am, back to entertain and to tell you that life is better than I ever thought it could be. And for my first post of 2015 and first post as a married woman, I have decided to talk about what has been haunting me. I am no longer me. I am a new person. I am a McMichael. It's legal. It's printed. It's crazy.

While I love my new name and what it represents (that I am my husband's property? Kidding. We are a family now and that's pretty cool), there is something that is kind of sad about not having my name anymore. I did move some shit around and have kept my maiden name as a middle name, but I don't think I have ever had more pride than that which is associated with my Irish given name. It connects me to a heritage. It bonds me with my blood family. Most importantly, it is tattooed on my frickin arm. Well, the original gaelic origin. I am open to tattooing my new name on my person as well, but some people seem to think that's a bad idea given the divorce rate. NOTE: I am planning on making this work.

My former name has its negatives: It is NEVER spelled correctly. NO, they didn't screw it up at Ellis Island. YES, I am positive I am not forgetting a letter, strange generic person asking me how to spell it... NO, I am not related to the former mayor of Detroit. YES, I know you've never seen it spelled that way before. But it's all these things that make me love my name so much. And let's be honest; the initials L.C. are the best. I couldn't part with that, another reason for the middle name shift. ALWAYS L.C.

Every time I think of my name being different, it kind of doesn't feel real. It's a hard feeling to explain. I suspect other women have felt like this before. When does this feeling wear off? Does it ever??? Will I ever feel like McMichael is who I am? Will I always miss being my former self? It's interesting how after almost 3 months I still can't remember what name I am telling people. When I introduce myself I have at least a 4 second pause between my first and last name, if I remember to say my new name at all. And sometimes I just don't say my last name because I freeze. And don't get me started on saying "my husband." That's weird as hell, too! Marriage is a funny thing. And while I question why we go through all this headache, not to mention changing my emails, credit cards, bank accounts, social security, driver's license, FACEBOOK (which is in a weird way more secure than the driver's license change), I really do love that I am married and love the new me. It's like a clean slate. I can begin life with my husband (ah!) connected as one. It's kind of spiritual in a sense. We are now our own family. How nice!

I know some people out there don't change their names, and believe me, I love and respect that. But for me, this change is one that I have been dreaming about for a long time. While the change is an interesting and tricky one, I do think it was what was intended for me. And thank GOD my name is still Irish. I mean, let's be honest; I couldn't be anything else. I would have settled for whatever the heck Timberlake is, however.